It’s December of 2016 and I’m seventeen. At seventeen that animal is starting to develop; I’m ready to fuck and let out my aggression. Fucking wasn’t happening, so my aggression became more acute. Most of my time spent as an up and coming Netflix subscriber and Credit Card owner, was used to get fucked up; like, Croesus picking a fight with big swinging dick, Cyrus, fucked up. I would drink until I blacked out. If I didn’t black out, it’s because I didn’t have enough alcohol. Hawkeye was my lover, but I was also a whore, and drank anything I could get my desperate hands on. It was my first time drinking Fireball, with some friends. I remember it crept on me. I started getting emotional about not getting any girls at the time. To cope, I left my group and ran a few blocks away to the corn silos on the outside of my town. The corn silos were in a row of four, with a cat walk going across the tops. In the middle was a lookout which stuck high up from the ground. (around 275 ft.) I remember climbing up there, but not down. One day, I even hung off the top with one hand. Those days were confusing and lonesome.
The novelty of drinking with the same group of friends got old, and I did nothing else. So, I decided to join the Army and go to war. It was the most romantic thing at the time; to be on the front lines with other disgruntled losers. I was sold, but my parents were not. See, at seventeen, parent permission is required, and I couldn’t wait another year. They didn’t want me to go infantry, so I joined as a mechanic. Little did they know, I would switch my MOS after tech school. Little did I know, my recruiter was an infidel, a whore, a snake. He made a promise, sucked my blood, and never thought of me again. My unit denied my release after tech school. I became lethargic and depressed for months after that. But then I got a job.
The job of course didn’t fulfill me. I was null again. Psychedelics would become my next lover once the drudgery got to me. Friends were no use at the time too. We never related, just got fucked up together. Seems as teenagers we don’t choose people; just get fucked up with some randoms for the first time, and end up sticking with them. My only real connections up until that point, were the ones I met through the Army. I still love some of those guys I went to BCT and AIT with. Part of me still wishes, I could be happily embracing some shit war in a foreign country. I’m thinking it could be serendipity though. Hope so.